In a culture that boasts independence, we choose to depend on each other. Read more here.
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About a year ago a couple friends and I were playing Catan, a popular board game, when we all received a text from our college pastor informing us, he was stepping down from his job and leaving the church. I felt my stomach sink. I thought to myself, Is this a prank? School starts in a week, what’s going to happen? Grieved and struck with disbelief, I responded, “Worst break-up text ever!” The talk of our close-knit group of college friends was, “do we leave too?” Over a couple days, I saw about twenty of my close friends leave our church. The situation caused quite a bit of a rippling effect within the church and leaving seemed to be the trend. While a few of my friends had legitimate reasons to leave, some took this situation to leave because of preferential issues. With the departure of my friends, came emotions and pain I hadn’t felt in years. I was reminded of my parents’ divorce, and the pain associated with that. It felt like my family was being ripped in two and I was caught in the middle. These emotions and thoughts swirled in my head for a while, and I asked the question, “What connects us?” What makes us sacrifice for others? Everyone can’t be the center of the universe, so we all give a little. We all sacrifice for one another. But why? What bonds us? And causes us to fight when things get uncomfortable? As I pondered this, the idea of family came to mind. My friends were leaving, which felt like a divorce. My friends were fighting which felt like a family’s squabble. Maybe they are my family. And to steal from Lilo and Stitch, “Ohana means family. And family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” In this family, we stick it out. We fight. We forgive. We love. But are there good reasons to leave the church? That’s what we’ll discuss here. Unclear Gospel The most commonly overlooked reason to leave a church is the content of the church’s liturgy. If the music, prayers, and sermons lack the gospel or are unclear on the gospel, it might be time to consider leaving. Without the gospel, churches are social gatherings of imperfect people, struggling to appear good on the outside. With the gospel, Jesus addresses our depravity. God declares His creation “good,” and asks us to trust Him. Not long after, and mankind chooses to define good and evil for themselves, rejecting God’s definition of good. In this rejection, God separates Himself from His people, but promises to send someone to restore us to Himself. We know this to be Jesus, who lives a perfect life, dies a sacrificial death, is restored to life, and ascends to the heavens to rule with God. Jesus gave His church power to love one another and to share this gospel, this good news to the world. An unclear or distorted gospel leads to power abuse, pain, and chaos. The Church needs to be clear on this essential theme. The gospel is what binds the local church together. The gospel is not a preference issue, it’s an essential issue. Moved Away Of course, it makes sense to choose another church if you’ve moved away! A friend I made in college would drive an hour each way just to make it to his parent’s church. While this isn’t a bad idea, it’s probably not advisable. Being a part of a church family means interacting regularly with those people. It means letting them see the uncomfortable sides of yourself, as you all encourage one another to obey God and love others. If you only see them once a week because of your location, it might be a good idea to find a church near you. Lack of Love The final reason to leave a church is a lack of love. Jesus says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35). Christian love unites the church. If there is great teaching and doctrine but no love, the gospel is diminished. There must be gospel doctrine with gospel culture. This gospel culture flows from gospel doctrine. We can forgive someone because we have been forgiven. This doesn’t particularly mean to leave a church if you’ve been hurt, rather if there is a culture that does not emphasize Christian love, leaving this church might be the best thing to do. Here are three reasons not to leave the local church: Music Preference Music certainly connects humans. It plays a large part in our culture. And it can also divide. Some churches only sing hymns, while others look like a concert each week. I’ve been a part of both, and they both are gospel-believing churches. Since the church doesn’t revolve around me, I can set aside my preferences and choose to worship anyways. While musical worship is often associated with an emotional experience, it is much more than how I feel. I am remembering the truths being sung by the church. Conflict Conflict is never fun, but it is necessary. Some of my best friendships are with those I have fought with the most. Engaging in appropriate conflict allows everyone to be honest, to not be passive-aggressive, and it breeds a space for intimacy. Within the local church, this can be even more awkward. If someone has hurt me, but I’m not close to them, my natural tendency is to avoid that person. But as I said, some of the better relationships I’ve developed are with people who call me on my stuff and do so with Christian love. So, if you’re considering leaving your church because of conflict, maybe sit down with that person and listen to them. Hear their side. Listening allows us to grow in our compassion towards others. If you need help, ask a church friend to sit in with you. Disconnected In my first year of college, I felt completely disconnected. I had a few friends, but I felt like a stranger on campus and in my church. I could have blamed them for not reaching out to me, but as I look back on it, they did reach out to me. I wasn’t ready just yet. I really didn’t want to be a part of the church. And it took an older college guy to continue breaking down that wall. If you’ve felt disconnected or lonely, you’re not alone. Most of us feel this way at one point. And it’s okay if you deal with mental health issues, we aren’t judging you. We want to comfort you. We want to be there when you’re ready. So, if you’re feeling disconnected and lonely and want to go to a church that might meet your needs, know that you’ll probably feel the same way there. There isn’t a perfect system or church, but there are Christians who want to love and be loved by their community. |
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